Everyone's a fucking food writer now! Thanks, Yelp!
Hear that noise? I just cracked a tooth snarling so hard. Now I whistle all my esses.
Following are some things I, as an editor, have come to despise - nay! - DETEST WITH A PASSION NORMALLY RESERVED FOR TEXAS REPUBLICAN LEGISLATORS - in amateur food writing.
Bloggers! Take this to heart and your dreams of finally being noticed by a respectable publication will come to fruition, because right now (and trust me on this), no one can stand you. I want to help. Please, GOD, let me help...
WRITING COMMANDMENT #1:
- DO NOT start your review with "Nestled in a...." Every time a description of a restaurant begins with the passive and clichéd "Nestled in a...." I tear the wings off a butterfly. Do you want to be the reason why all these beautiful creatures suffer so? Of course not. Knock it off.
MORE COMMANDMENTS TO FOLLOW. I NEED TO SMOKE A JOINT.