Here, try this. It's the same fucking thing you drink every night.

Me: Can I help you with the wine list at all?

: I'm just trying to find a wine.

Me: Red or white?

: WHITE! I NEVER drink red. Ech. I want something that's not dry but not sweet but I don't like a lot of oak... And no Pinot Grigio.

Me: I'll let you in on a little secret. "Dry" is the most useless word to people selling you wine. It means something completely different to everyone. Let's try this instead: I'll pour you a taste and you tell me where to go from there. (Pouring William Fevre 2008 Chablis without her seeing the label).

: Hmmm. Hmmm. (Hands it to boyfriend, unable to form a conclusion on her own.) What do you think?

(Shrugs)

: It's too... too...

Me: Is the acid too high? Do you want something creamier or more mouth-filling?

: Um, not CREAMY. But not, I don't know, what was that word you used?

Me: Never mind. Here try this. (Pouring a slightly honeyed, softer Soave.)

: Woah, this is SWEET.

Me: OK. How's the feel on the tongue, though? Is that level of acid good for you?

: Nnnnnh. Mmmm. Emmmm. Uhhhh.

Me: Do you like Sauvignon Blanc?

: NO! I HATE SAUVIGNON BLANC!

Me: Okay, I think this is our winner then. (pouring a taste of Pinot Grigio. Scarpetto, which is truly decent)

: Mmm! That's PERFECT! What is it?








Me: Pinot Grigio.

: Dang it! I keep trying to drink something besides Pinot Grigio, but I can't seem to get away from it!

Me: